Narcissists

You make me happy

You make me sad

You make me love

You make me proud

You make me hate

You make me wait

You make me suffer

You make me perplexed

You make my tolerant

You make me suicidal

You make me hurt

You make me scared

You make me worse

You made me feel like your were my blessing and all you turned out was to be a curse. The old me loved the new me can’t, I don’t want to waist more time on you or bother going on a rant. My body hurts, my mind is sick, I can’t believe I fell for you over again..your world was lost and I was burden ..I got so spiritually hungry I wanted you to live and you were trying to kill. You never wanted God it was just a facade. You really had me believe when you said were in love when you wanted to buy a big house and make me your wife, when I turned around and saw it was nothing but a lie. You don’t take me seriously you make matters worse, your excuses get better and better and the pain gets worse. I need to stay away but the love is so great it’s all I ever had until you took it away. Here we go with problems in the way, for some reason I can’t see that you’re not truthful I just see how I’m just being a fool for … my love that doesn’t even exist. You take my kindness for weakness that’s  what scares me the most, I’m tired of crying, screaming and yelling. It’s not worth it anymore, it’s now time that this girl shows you the door!

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Soldier for God

When you sign your name on the dotted line to enlist in the military, you’re signing your life over saying you’re willing to die for what you believe. How much more would you be willing to do for your God in heaven?

Submissive Harlot

“They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭62:5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;”

‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20:3-5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“Though thou, Israel, play the harlot, yet let not Judah offend; and come not ye unto Gilgal, neither go ye up to Beth–aven, nor swear, The Lord liveth.”

‭‭Hosea‬ ‭4:15‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“I’m reserved until God is ready to share me!

Dear Papa,

I sincerely apologize for being double minded in all of my ways, for I have been deliberately disobedient. Papa, you said that anything we put before you is an idol. You are a jealous God, and I know this, and I STILL purposely sinned. Papa, as your bridegroom, I understand that our time is short here on earth, and so is your mercy! I have been weak willed and easily influenced by my flesh, and the enemy, and it’s my own fault for not consulting anything with you in prayer. Lord, I have only been consistent with being in the state of inconsistency, with prayer, fasting, and supplication! Lord, I have walked out on you, as a harlot from her husband. I’ve fallen as David did in adulatory with Bathsheba. I’ve fallen far to short, and you continue extending your grace and mercy. It baffles me to know that I was made in your image, and that I am your daughter, and I’ve yet to inherit your trait of forgiveness. I understand that, that’s something I need to work on. When I rise and fall, you continue loving me and giving me hope that tomorrow will be far greater.

Lord, you said no sin is greater than another, why is that I’ve walked away from you, and you haven’t left me. Lord, you said to let God be true, and Everyman a liar! Papa you haven’t divorced me, but you’ve given me yet, another chance. I’ll always love you, and appreciate your kindness and mercy, you are far greater than I’ll ever be, or could ever imagine. I sincerely appreciate you, and I am ready to return to my first love, as Israel did in Hosea, I now understand why my world has been falling apart, it was simply because you needed to remove everything out of my path so you could allure me into the wilderness and comfort me as you did Israel, and I am ready to submit . . .

To be continued

Take it back

You are far more precious and deserve so much more, if he doesn’t treat you well, show him the door. Remain a lady and always be humble the Lord has someone for you so don’t trip or stumble. He is going to love honor and respect you, so don’t worry about if he won’t text you! There’s a difference between a man and a boy, one has a job one plays with toys! If we want to be honest I am the one who was blind, I was crazy I was foolish I missed all of the signs. Maybe one day when my heart is mature again, I’ll never be fooled by another BOY like you again! 🎤😎

I guess I can’t really be upset, you told me you would never hurt me, but I never noticed you were just molding me into a person and didn’t deserve me.

My father said I’m far more precious than rubies, I’m a Proverbs 31 woman, and you though that you could use me, like a welcome matt, you can come and go as you please, but I’m turning things around and I want my keys! The keys that you stole from my my hands to my heart, I’ll never let another boy borrow my heart to treat it so poorly and protect theirs! I promise this isn’t operation it’s not a game or a toy, I was completely misused by a “Man” and not a “Boy”.

The frustrating thing is while you were in disguise I was so naive to believe all do your lies, I’ve grown, I’ve learned only God can change me, I’ll remember that the next time one of you “Men” try to play me!

iPromise

Hanging on to broken promises by a thread, hoping one day we would see eye to eye again.

Insanely curious as to why delusion shot to my head like a narcotic, and my heart rebelliously fell for a thief, a robber, with the intentions of helping me, to only hurt me. Stealing my heart, and mishandling it as if it were worthless as hay and stubble, and then…I remembered, your very words.

“I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.” I’ve overdosed I’ve gotten so high off of your broken promises everything else is permissible, and it’s not fair, I’ve been opened up to involuntary pain, and suffering, and now, … now it’s time to trade in my anger towards you, for the prince of peace. I don’t have to worry anymore about the time, because my father is the author, and the finisher, the beginning and the ending, time is in his hands, and I will trust him. His promises will fail me not, I’m positive and so sure.

See the problem is I’ve gone astray and was close to the fence and as my Shepard it’s time for him to pull me in again.

iPromise, and I vow to never let “temporary” interfere between eternity.

Spiritual Perseverance

Accepting yourself for who you are and what you stand for is a wonderful thing! However, if you allow yourself to stay where you are, just remember distruction awaits for you. If I can closely examin others and have my thoughts about how or why I feel my opinions should be forced in their lives, why can’t I do the same for myself? The Lords intentions weren’t for us to live our lives doing his job and go around persecuting people, our jobs are to win souls, and to be a witness for him. If we remembered that souls were our main priority here on earth we would be a lot further than what we are right now! We must stop persecuting our brothers and sisters and lift up a standard for our generation, and ourselves. We must be made new and have hearts of pure Gold, this world is tough enough, so if you spread a little love and have a pure heart with pure intentions you will be better off, and so will everyone else. Take a self examination, and see where you are spiritually, have you examined yourself like you’ve examined others?

Part 1.

s’il te plait aime moi

I want you to love me for the Christian, and the young woman I’ve become, I know I’m not perfect but that doesn’t mean I’m worthless. Screaming in my mind, please love and accept me, as my lips quiver softly uttering three small simple words, I need you. I need you more than ever, your dying before my eyes. I’m scared to love you because I’ve been rejected countless times! I need you so much, why have you rejected me, you’ve denied me and treated me with unequalness that I didn’t deserve. Thinking to myself the way Simon Peter rejected the Lord 3x, and later turned into a believer. Understanding the frustration when the scripture said “Jesus wept”. It’s hard loving someone that wants nothing to do with you unless it’s a convenience to them. While my entire life I verbally, physically, and mentally was abused, why have you forsaken me, I just want to love you.

Best friend 

Your my best friend, and I love you so much! I can’t wait to find you, and discuss my current friends with you, one day I’ll meet you, and it’ll feel like you were here all along! I know I’m a handful in advance, and a crazy driver, but I promise to always listen to you, and have a 50\50 relationship. Best friend where are you? We have so much to discuss! I know you are out in the world somewhere looking for me as well! I pray for you daily, you could be my long lost cousin, acolleague, or even my husband, but where ever you are I’ll be waiting patiently because I know forever isn’t always forever. ❤️

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